All I feel is pain
by XXRikuXXAxelXX
Summary: Why must everyone hurt? I suck at Summaries...Uhh...they're in high school and emotions and stuff. BoyXBoy warning. Disclaimer inside.


**Excuse me. I'm XXRikuXXAxelXX AKA Evan. AKA TicciTobyMakara. And I've got some warnings for you. This is BoyXBoy. There is mention of underage drinking. There is angst. There will be kissing. And there is cussing. There is quite a bit of OOCness going on here, so be aware of that too. A lot of this is some headcannon stuff for my headcannon Dave, John, And Jade. The trolls are human and the kids are in school, for the most part. I do not own the homestuck characters, they belong to the glorious Andrew Hussie. And then there is Pain, which I also do not own, the song is by Three days Grace. This story is to used for entertainment only. If you want to edit it for something else please inform me before you do so. Please and Thank you. Do not flame, you have been warned.**

**Mentioned Pairings are as follow: JohnXDave, DaveXJade, JadeXKarkat.**

**Possible Triggers: The mention of pain to numbness, the use of alcohol on underage people, and lots of Angst.**

**Please enjoy.**

** Pain, without love. Pain, I can't get enough. Pain, I like it rough. 'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all.**

John loved having his best friend Dave as company, but it came with a bit of Violence. Dave had been through so much and John let him do what he wished. They would get in petty arguements and Dave would not hesitate to hit John for his comments. John had genuine love in his heart for his friend, and it took him one giant arguement about John's apperance for him to blurt it out.

"DAVE I FUCKING LOVE YOU!" John had shouted. He was on the ground, his arms holding him up as he yelled at Dave. The blonde opened his mouth to scream back up he couldn't think of anything to say.

"Of course you love me man...I'm your best friend." Dave finally squeaked out.

"No Dave. In a...homo kind of way." John muttered, his eyes on Dave. John was scared of Dave's answer to the clearification. Dave stood up from the couch and grabbed his phone and his charger. With one last disgusted look at his best friend Dave left. He called his brother, and he headed home.

**You're sick of feeling numb. You're not the only one. I'll take you by the hand. And I'll show you a world that you can understand. This life is filled with hurt. When happiness doesn't work. Trust me and take my hand. When the lights go out you will understand.**

Dave made no attempt to contact with John and that hurt. John had came clean to his best friend and he was shot down completely.

John laid in his bed, his face pressed into his pillow. He cried until he couldn't feel the pain anymore. His whole body was numb. He could no longer tell himself that it was okay to hurt, because it didn't hurt. Not anymore. All he could feel was sickness in his stomach. John refused to leave his room. He didn't shower for days. John let his hair deflate from it's usual spikiness and go greasy. School started up again and John refused to go. Dave was there.

In the time that John was sulking, Dave was in Denial, he masked his emotions like he normally did. His brother couldn't tell anything was wrong. Dave numbed the pain with Alcohol. Dave would sit in his room by the light switch, flicking the lights on and off, his eyes transfixed on an old photo of him and John when they had first met. When the light was on he hurt. When the lights went off he couldn't see the picture and he was okay. In the darkness his thoughts gathered and he knew what he felt. Dave went back to school.

At school Dave would wait everyday for John, who wouldn't show up. He was late to most of his classes, claiming he lost his way, new school year excuses. Finally he stopped waiting for John altogether.

Dave met a new girl, her name was Jade Harley, she was like John in a couple ways, but she was also very different than him in a lot of ways. Dave grew fond of her and in a week they were dating.

John finally returned to school, two weeks had passed and he was only here because he was court mandated to come or his father would be arrested, and he wasn't going to put his cake-loving father through that. His hair was dirty, he still refused to clean it, but the rest of his body his father scrubbed for hours, getting grime out of every nook and cranny. But if his dad tried to wash his hair he'd let out a growl and his father listened to his son's non-verbal request.

** Pain, without love. Pain, can't get enough. Pain, I like it rough. 'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all. Pain, without love. Pain, can't get enough. Pain, I like it rough. 'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all.**

John had gone through his school day without a glimpse of Dave, and he was happy for that, because he didn't want to feel that pain again. But he feared going to lunch, all of the students ate the same lunch and if Dave was at school, John was sure to see him.

And sure enough, lunch rolled around and John sat by himself, everyone was seated in their seats, and John noticed that there were two seats saved for two people have not shown up yet at the popular table.

Dave walked in, his hand holding Jade's hand, their fingers interlocked with each others. Dave had on his shades, an old record t-shirt and some red skinny jeans. His outfit was completed with a red beanie concealing his blonde hair, only his bangs stuck out. Jade was wear a white dress with a lab coat on, she was the granddaughter of a scientist explorer and she loved to wear clothes that made her fit that role as well. She wore circlular framed glasses. The couple got their lunch and sat at the popular table, where the two seats were saved.

John's heart sank and he felt pain streak through his heart. He had been replaced with a girl. Dave replaced him.

Dave didn't notice the pain streaked boy, his attention was on feeding Jade playfully. John stood and his tray hit the ground, everyone turned to look, all conversation was lost, John just stood there for a minute, his eyes welling up with tears. Dave looked at John and gasped as John ran away crying. Dave got up to follow but Jade held his wrist.

"Do you know that spaz?" She asked her eyes on her boyfriend.

"Don't call him that. He may be a spaz. But that is my best friend." He said to her, yanking his hand out of her grip.

Dave ran into the hallway, running straight until there was an intersection, four ways to go down the hall. He had to use his John knowledge to figure out which way his friend went. He thought quickly. John loved Nicholas Cage and therefore he would go north whether he realized which was north or not he would out of instinct run that way. Dave knew north was to his left, so he went left and walked into the nearest bathroom.

** Anger and agony. Are better than misery. Trust me I've got a plan. When the lights go off you'll understand.**

Dave heard sniffling coming from the farthest stall. He walked carefully in that direction.

"John...it's Dave. Are you okay?" He called out, coming up to the door. He saw John's black converse sneakers with little ghostbuster stickers on them.

"Go away." The raspy voice of a tearfilled John came out.

"What's wrong?" Dave asked leaning his head on the bathroom stall door.

"You fucking replaced me. You got a girl to fucking replace me." John groaned, his grief causing him to cuss at Dave.

"I didn't replace you. I got a girlfriend. You're still my best friend." Dave said. John pushed the door open, knocking Dave to the ground, not expecting the stall to open. Dave supported himself on his hands.

"You didn't call me for three weeks! You didn't realize I wasn't in school for two weeks! You left me hanging when I told you my darkest secret! You didn't comment on how dirty my hair is when you first saw it! I'm surprised you even recognized me with your googoo eyes at that girl!" John yelled. "I should be her! Standing by your side! I loved you first! We belong together! How could you consider dating her? After all we've been through?! I don't care if you fucking love me...But I will not stand here and watch you love someone else and expect me to smile and be happy for you!"

Dave was in shock. This boy who was like his brother for years, was yelling at him. John's cheeks were stained with tears, his eyes were bloodred. John was gritting his teeth, waiting for the other's response. Dave got back on his feet.

"Do you want to know how I feel?" Dave asked, his eyes on John's.

"Yes, I want nothing more than to hear your feelings." John answered the blonde. Dave took a deep breath.

"John, I have always loved you but I don't want to hurt, I have had so many people just walk out of my life because I allowed them to walk in. I had tried so hard not to let you in, but you weaseled your way in. And my heart always pounds when you lay next to me when we watch ghostbusters over and over again. The way you mouth the words makes me lose my breath because all I can do it watch your lips. Do you remember Karkat's party last year when we played spin the bottle and you spun that bottle and it landed on me? I felt butterflies in my stomach and I kissed you. You pulled away first and I was really sad. I didn't want to ruin what we had going for us, so I never said anything. But when you confessed to me I was disgusted with myself because I had hidden my feelings all these years." Dave gave his speech.

John was going to respond to him but someone knocked on the boys' bathroom door. Dave sighed and got the door. Jade stood there, her face was contorted in anger.

**I know. I know that you're wounded .You know That I'm here to save you. You know. I'm always here for you. I know. That you'll thank me later.**

"Where have you been? I've been looking everywhere for you!" Jade complained.

"Sorry Harley, I'm just dealing with stuff." Dave said. He looked at John and gestered to give him a minute and closed the bathroom door so he could talk to Jade in the hallway.

"What's going on?" Jade demanded to know.

"You see...This isn't going to work out." Dave started. Before he could explain any further, Jade interrupted him.

"What? Are you...dumping me?" She asked, her eyes staring into his.

"Yeah...Ya see..." He rubbed the back of his head nervously.

"I'm pretty sure I'm gay...for my friend John, who is in there waiting for me..." Dave said. Jade gave him a smile.

"Thank the heavens. I was going to break up with you, but I didn't want to hurt your feelings. You see I have feelings for Karkat but he was ignoring me, and you asked me out and I accepted because you're cute. Karkat got jealous and wants me back now. So hey. If anyone asks, I dumped you. Okay?" She asked with a perky smile. Dave was so overjoyed that she was not hurt or angry.

"Can do, sis." Dave said, giving her a new pet name.

"I like that, we can be like brother and sister, that's cool. Anyway get back in that bathroom and kiss yourself up a new boyfriend." Jade said before absconding down the hall.

Dave went back into the bathroom slowly. John was rising his hair in the sink, getting out some of the grease, using the school's soap to clean it. He shook his hair and looked up at Dave.

"What happened?" John asked, concern in his eyes.

"I have a new boyfriend." Dave cooed. John got a mad expression.

"Really in those two minutes you started dating someone else?" John growled. Dave laughed and John was confused.

"You're a moron." Dave said before kissing his new boyfriend on the lips, wrapping his arms around him. John pulled away.

"Oh, I get it." John smiled. He kissed Dave.


End file.
